Girl Talk- How to Avoid Fights with your Guy
In all relationships, there are ups and downs- and understandably so. I mean, after all, you’re dealing with two completely different people. Have you ever stopped to consider that? You are with a whole new person and you’re deciding to let that person share their life with you. That is a big deal.
Fights come about in the most innocent of ways- a casual conversation, a joke gone wrong, a simple mistake of misplacing something- and the list can go on forever.
Let me talk briefly about my relationship. I have been with my guy Nathan for three strong years now and in those years, the only one major fight was about religion. I have no religion and he is a Christian. I’m the kind of person who when I’m with someone, I truly am with them and I obviously I would hope to get married to them at some point (otherwise what is the point of investing so much time, effort and youth?). Naturally, this difference in religious beliefs would be a problem since if/when we have children, there would be the blatant question of what faith would they be brought up in.
However, three years ago, we were hot headed and ready to scream about our religious beliefs- or lack thereof- in a manner that just made everyone miserable and unhappy. Somehow I got to talking to his dad about it and his dad was so amazing and understanding…it was hard to believe his son was even related to him at that point. Anyway, the result of that conversation proved very worthwhile because somehow, Nathan began to adopt a similar manner and he eased up on the harsh attitude.
The result: When religion even comes up, I tend to not say anything and just let him talk. I nod a few times and say ‘yes’ I understand and then let it go. Personally, I have started to take an active part in seeking some sort of religious sustainability as I know that one day, this will come up again and when it does, it would be either with marriage or children in question, and not trying to deal with it now, can cause nasty conflicts in the future.
My boyfriend is my perfect guy. He is The One. There is nothing about him that upsets me or nothing about him that I don’t like. With that being said, that is probably why I don’t ever have a problem with him. I cannot lie- I consider myself to be the Perfect Girlfriend (in my relationship of course). I know how to deal with him and I know everything about him. He is my best friend and my lover and I know how to truly make things phenomenal between us- and stay that way.
One of my secrets to avoiding fights is to really ask yourself:
Which is worth more? Your relationship or the problem?
This one simple question can just throw the whole fight out the door! Think about it. If you truly love your man and you truly want your relationship to work, then you would absolutely refuse to let anything get in the middle. What could be so important that could lead to such a fight that would threaten a ‘breakup’ aka what I call ‘The B Word’ since that is a word that has never been uttered in my relationship.
Your relationship with your guy should be paramount to anything. It is supposed to be unbreakable. Nothing should come between you both.
By asking myself this question whenever there is a potential conflict, I willingly take on the role of being calm and unaffected in a way that would not cause further conflict.
My pageant night was considered to be a fairly important one and I expected him to be there in the audience cheering for me. However, my love fell asleep and when he woke up, instead of coming to my pageant even though he would have been late, he decided to just go back to sleep.
Yes, I had an almost breakdown moment after it had finished and realized he was not in the audience because I was expecting to just fall into his arms after the whole thing was over. However, I asked myself that question- which is worth more, my relationship or this pageant?
Do I need to even answer that question now?
That pageant could never ever be as important to me as my relationship with my guy. Ever. In fact, nothing in the world can ever be as important to me as my relationship with him. I hold our bond in an extremely high esteem and that’s why, no matter what happens, I actively and consciously choose my boyfriend over whatever the problem may be.
This advice is for instance of minor problems and definitely should not be used in terms of MAJOR ones such as cheating, alcoholism, abuse or similar things.
In addition to this question, communication is key to any successful relationship and avoiding potential fights. Communication is often the devil in disguise- the source of all problems. Never ever have a discussion over any kind of media because that leads to massive misunderstanding. Such discourse should be reserved for person to person contact since talking to that person directly would really and truly prevent any kind of misconstruing of facts and details.
With that being said, if there is a problem, just simply talk about it in the most humble and respectful of ways. Don’t go yelling and screaming at him because really, how does that solve anything?? It only adds to the bs. Find some quiet time when you’re just lying down with him or cuddling (these times tend to work the best because you can exert some sort of womanly dominance over him) and just ease in the problem. He would be most relaxed and you can get things sorted out really quickly- you would be surprised!
In addition to those two aforementioned points, I think it is crucial that your really understand that nothing good can ever come out of a fight (except maybe excruciatingly unbelievable makeup sex- but in order to get there in the first place there has to be some sort of resolution to begin with). My outlook is:
Why fight when you could spend that time loving him?
All of that unnecessary bickering, in case you didn’t notice, just takes away from precious time that could be used loving him, having dinner, watching a movie- and anything else which falls in the same category.
I don’t know about you, but to me, I rather spend time with my guy than fighting over some petty problem like missing a pageant.
In the event of an argument, just take some time to cool down and give him some time as well, and after that, just move on with it. There are better things that you could be doing!! Catch my drift?
Let me again make this very clear that this advice is only important for minor instances of arguments and NOT at all for severe problems like those I have mentioned before. If something has run its course, then just let it be. Leave with your self-respect and dignity.
I have been extremely blessed to find Nathan. My relationship is truly beyond perfection and I am eternally blessed to have what we have. There are not many fights to even begin with, but whenever there is a potential one, I adopt these three strategies and I can say without a doubt, that those have truly made my relationship as strong as it is to this day. I choose to be the calm one. I know my guy and he can get pretty hot-headed sometimes so I prefer to take on this role and honestly, not to be clichéd or anything- but I take on the emotional role so synonymously associated with a woman and I do not mind this at all, because if that will make my relationship last, and if that would keep our love alive, then I don’t mind in the least bit. Like I said before, I value my relationship more than anything else in this world and I refuse to let anything tear us apart.
Here’s a video vlog which encompasses more or less everything I’ve said.
XO, The Classy It Girl!